My adventure started before it even began. After walking through the gates of my small local airport into the security area, blowing kisses and making a grand exit, I was randomly selected for a thorough screening. When something on my hands triggered the system, I was patted down and my entire backpack was taken apart. I wasn’t worried because I had nothing to hide, but I was glad that I had arrived at the airport with plenty of time to spare. Of course they didn’t find anything and it took me quite a bit of time to put all my carefully packed cubes back in order.

The rest of the trip to Cairo went fairly smoothly, with some delays but nothing too worrisome. Behind me on the plane were two young teenage boys who remarked while we were flying over Cairo that it looked like a “rich city” from the air. They spent the last ten minutes of descent discussing wealth like a couple of middle-aged business men.

I had forgotten a pen. Always carry a pen while travelling. I had to fill out a customs form and my friend had texted me that publicly-used pens could carry typhoid, a scary disease spread by poor hygiene. And of course I hadn’t brought hand sanitizer with me nor had I been vaccinated against typhoid. But luckily the lady in the seat in front of me had a pen which I borrowed.

When the plane touched down safely in Cairo, everyone on the plane clapped and yelled “Allah!” which I found quite amusing.

The pen lady was really nice to me, and super rude to all the men on the plane. I was trying to figure out her story. As we were standing with our bags waiting to disembark, a man was attempting to push past her and she blocked his way and refused to hurry up. She was strange but I’m glad she let me use her pen and avoided contracting a deadly disease.

I wasn’t sure what to expect when going through Egyptian customs. I had needed to acquire an e-visa on my British passport, since Canadians were having a really difficult time getting an Egyptian visa due to some beauraucratic spat between the two countries. Someone must have pissed off the wrong person.

I was prepared with a letter of invitation from my friend Elle since I’d be staying with her. If there is a female customs officer, I’ll always choose that line. I’m not sure if makes any difference but I feel a bit more of a camaraderie with women and feel like I would be less hassled. Elle also told me to choose the furthest left-hand line since the left hand in many countries is unclean therefore the left of anything is less favoured over the right.

I didn’t end up needing my letter of invitation, and the customs officer seemed quite non-plussed with me and lazily stamped my passport after looking at my e-visa.

Walking out of the airport near midnight I was greeted by a warm breeze and a swarm of taxi drivers. An airport official was barely containing the mob behind their “line” with harsh words and a stick. I wasn’t sure exactly where to meet my friend so I walked in amongst the taxi driver swarm and had to say “no” a million times while they tried to convince me that my ride wasn’t coming and I should surely come with them since they were the best in Cairo.

Thanks to my global e-sim, I was able to text with Elle about the rendezvous spot — and there she was! We hugged and I was whisked away from the drivers (Elle said “just ignore them” and laughed when I said I was just trying to be nice by saying “no thank you”). Apparently if you engage, that just encourages them to try harder. I was also grateful that I had experienced such swarms in my previous travels — for a novice traveller, that could have been quite intense.

Our driver and Elle’s friend Halim drove us back to her apartment where we chatted for a bit, and then I lay down and had a great night’s sleep! By some miracle I experienced zero jet lag. I attribute it to avoiding booze on the plane, napping on the flight, and taking a melatonin an hour before bed time. I continued to take the melatonin for a few days but then stopped once I felt I didn’t need it any more.

Elle kindly let me ease into life in Egypt. The next morning, I slept in a bit, then she had a couple of ex-pat friends over to paint some flowers on her wall. Even though the temperature climbed to an insane 44 degrees Celsius, the apartment didn’t feel any hotter than a Canadian apartment in the summer. The Egyptians obviously know how to build, keeping the intense North African heat in mind, with clever shutters and cross breezes. Air conditioning is not common, however there are clever fan contraptions in which ice cubes are placed in a top tray, the air circulates through the ice and blows it into the room. Much more energy-efficient than air conditioning.

After we painted the murals (while listening to some really cool modern Moroccan music) we went downtown Cairo for a famous local dish named Koshari, made up of spaghetti, lentils, sauce and fried onions. That is the only dish they serve there. When we arrived, the opulently decorated marble room was packed with diners, and I watched helplessly as the waiter chased off a local man who was nervously gobbling down the rest of his plate. “A large group of rich tourists! Get the hell out!” I could imagine that’s how the conversation went.

The meal was delicious and on our way out, I filmed one of the chefs preparing a dish, who was scooping out of an enormous pot of prepared spaghetti. He saw me admiring his handiwork and showed off a bit for me, tossing the food up in the air with a practised hand.

We then drove to the river to have a traditional sailboat ride on the Nile. Elle and I decided we should have a pre-emptive pit stop and the only place close by was the extremely fancy Ritz-Carlton and so we sauntered in pretending we were guests and used their luxurious washroom.

Then it was time to link arms with the practised locals and play real-life Frogger across the busy street. Three lanes of chaotic traffic which doesn’t slow down for anyone. I trusted Halim and Elle, and we got safely through the chaos. Not my favourite thing to do as it feels like I’m going to get creamed any second. The Red Fort in Old Delhi offered a similar experience I recall.

We walked down to the water to a little dark enclosed port with a few old wooden sailboats. There was some discussion between our hosts, some money was slipped between hands, and we climbed across one boat to the other. On the boat was a large U-shaped configuration of seating with comfortable cushions. The single boat operator was impressive to watch, particularly since there was a hole in the sail but he did his best. At one point, the sail was tangled and he climbed expertly up the mast to try and fix it. We slowly sailed down the river for a while, then he managed to turn it around and hobble back to the dock.

Discussions were had about which museums I wanted to see while I was in the city. The “new” museum which isn’t fully open yet currently only houses the “Mummy Experience” which sounds a bit weird, and I said that I wasn’t really into withered 2,000 year old corpses. Then Halim started teasing me about mummies crawling up the sides of the boat and attacking us. That sealed the deal of me wanting to see the old museum, which still houses most of the ancient artifacts including King Tut. This delay was caused partly by Covid, but it’s been dragging on a long time and nobody is quite sure when all the artifacts will be transferred over.

The “old” museum was fantastic. It was not air conditioned and I was sweating so very much; however there were very big fans everywhere and a few times I lifted up my long shirt and got some nice cross breeze up in there.

We hired a nice old guide who was very sweet; however, his accent was thick and I had a hard time understanding him. But all the same, it was a good introduction to the artifacts and I had a good foundation of the heiroglyphics and what some of the symbols meant. We cruised around for another hour or so, and the highlight was the Tutankhamen exhibit. I had seen the artifacts in Seattle as a wee child when my parents took us on a special field trip from Victoria. I had a poster of the gold mask on my wall for many years so it was quite a special treat for me to see it again.

On another day we visited Alexandria along the north coast of the country. We visited an old fort which was a nice break from the hot sun and it had displays of old weapons such as the hot oil chute down which invading enemies would have an unpleasant surprise while rushing through the gates.

All the men smoke here. Apparently it’s unmanly if you don’t. I saw only one woman smoking.

The highlight of my trip was the pyramids! I had realized it was far too hot to actually visit the pyramids during the day and waiting until later in the day for dinner seemed far more appealing. Elle knew of a rooftop restaurant which offered an unobstructed view of the pyramids and the Sphinx. I was pleasantly surprised that we could get such an amazing view for the cost of a dinner and a small seating fee.

It was quite a change from dusk when we arrived, to the sunset over the pyramids. The scene went from hot and orange and dusty to an after-dark dance party and laser light show! Apparently the richest man in Egypt was having a dinner party on the pyramid grounds — we could see the worker bees bustling around setting up before it got dark. It’s wild to consider that if you have enough money, you can book space for 200 of your closest friends and party right beside the Sphinx.

A drone was flying around for hours. At first we thought it was for security surveillance, then I realized it was to capture the festivities — as a videographer I would had loved to have seen the fancy expensive video made from that footage.

Our dinner was very good and very affordable. I had Fettuccine Alfredo! Not what I was expecting to eat in Egypt, but the vegetarian choices were limited. The entire dinner for 3 people was around $50 CAD.  Not bad for a VIP view of the pyramid laser light show and lots of delicious food!

A truck spat a rock into the windshield of Halim’s car the day before I left. Before the bullseye had a chance to spread, we had to immediately find a street mechanic who could repair it. Elle and I sat in the back like two spoiled princesses while the car was running and the A/C was on. The “garage” was just a hole in the wall barely wider than a car’s width, and we watched with curiosity as the mechanic used rudimentary tools and goo from a small plastic tube to repair the windshield. After about 30 minutes, it was right as rain and we continued on our way. I mused about how in Canada, repairing a windshield involves a great performance of appointments and uniformed men using very fancy expensive-looking equipment.

The night before I left, I had a chance to visit this amazing bustling market. We went in the evening since it was cooler at that time (the theme of this short trip). Locals made up the majority of the crowd which gave it an authentic vibe and we weren’t bothered too much by hawkers. We wandered around for a bit, looking at the lamps, antiques, jewellery and other goods on display. Halim mentioned dancers with sticks, so we sat at a very nice outdoor restaurant to have a delicious hibiscus drink, and after a while, some men came out, dressed in fancy red and gold costumes carrying sticks. I was encouraged to go up and join them (Halim gave them a tip) and it was a lot of fun. The locals enjoyed watching the white lady make a fool of herself, but I didn’t care.

I didn’t plan my trip very well. It was too hot, and I only had four full days to see all the things. Next time I’ll go in January for a few weeks and take a Nile sailing cruise down to the Valley of the Kings. I will also be able to take a horseback ride near the pyramids. My friend knows a British lady who runs a nice stable and takes care of her horses.

My departure from the Cairo airport went fairly smoothly, although Halim told me that international departures never leave from Terminal 2, but that’s where I was sent. I had to go through three security checkpoints! But it all worked out fine, and I flew to Rome for the start of my Tuscan adventures.

Bye, Egypt! I’ll see you again soon. This isn’t over.

With the caveat that I had a personal escort the entire time, my general impressions of Cairo were:

• Insane traffic. Do not attempt to drive here. You will die, or if you’re lucky, get stuck in traffic because everyone will shove ahead of you. It’s a game of chicken and the biggest vehicle wins. You can book an experienced driver at an affordable price (gas is cheap here) which I recommend.
• I found the vibe in Cairo a mix of New Delhi and Istanbul. Chaotic, interesting, and loud.
• There is no postal service to speak of. If you want to mail a post card, good luck.
• It generally felt safe but, again, I wasn’t taking public transit and I had a personal escort.
• June is very very very very hot. Do not visit in the summer.
• The cell phone towers are disguised as giant palm trees.
• Delicious affordable food.
• Be prepared to see some poorly-treated carriage horses near the tourist areas. (See link below to donate to a local cause)
• Please be mindful of the choices you make riding horses and camels in the pyramid area. Do your homework and ensure they take animal care very seriously.
• Consider getting a typhoid vaccine before you go (available in shot or pill form). It’s a bacterial infection spread by poor hygiene. Make sure you wash your hands / use sanitizer often while out in public and before eating. You may also want to get a cholera vaccine named Dukoral which comes in a liquid form.
• If you want an authentic sinful experience you can smoke a shisha pipe in many places.
• Speaking of sins, alcohol is hard to come by. Only hotel lounges are licensed to sell alcohol. So enjoy the hibiscus juice! Oh and try the delicious lemonade soda.
• If you have time, you can book a Nile cruise down to Luxor to see the Valley of the Kings. I’ll be doing that next time. You can choose between motorized cruise ships or traditional sailboats. I’ll be attempting the sailboat; however, it’s more costly. Make sure you go between October & April because of the heat.

Great Pyramid Inn rooftop restaurant & hotel: https://www.booking.com/Share-m2sQ7m

FB Stables near Pyramids: https://www.fbstablesgiza.co.uk/

Khan Al-Khalili market: https://khanelkhalilicairo.com/

Egyptian Equine Aid helps sick & abused equines and educates owners about proper care. https://www.egyptequineaid.org/

Koshari recipe: https://thematbakh.com/egyptian-recipe-for-koshari/